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Since I’m someone who thinks lettuce and tomatoes just take up space on a burger, this ugly-delicious creation won my heart. The only thing missing was a commemorative T-shirt marking the fact that I’d finished that freakishly large burger.

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Jansan McCorkle, co-owner and operator of Heron Smash Burgers, makes a burger. Photo by Tony Caldwell /Postmedia

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The beef here is fresh, never frozen, halal and Canadian, I was told. Patties here are four-ouncers, making them an ounce heavier than the usual. The buns are potato buns, which don’t get soggy quickly, and the burgers are constructed so that they are still tasty after a 20-minute ride with an Uber Eats driver, co-owner and cook Jansan McCorkle said. I have not tested that claim, preferring to eat on the premises.

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Oklahoma smash burgers sell well, but so do the budget-friendly classic smash burger ($10), the jalapeño chipotle smash burger ($12) and the “Big Smack” ($16).

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Given my fondness for spicy food, I liked the bold, sharp flavour of the burger with fresh jalapeño slices, a made-in-house chipotle sauce and a dusting of ancho chile spice. The gargantuan Big Smack, we were told, was a fave of construction workers looking for the menu’s most filling item. In addition to its two patties, smash sauce, cheddar, lettuce, the burger contained an onion ring, sautéed onions and a pickle.

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Michael Chesterman, co-owner and operator of Heron Smash Burgers, makes a jalapeño chipotle smash burger. Photo by Tony Caldwell /Postmedia

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The Big Smack at Heron Smash Burgers. Photo by Tony Caldwell /Postmedia

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This burger business, it turns out, is a two-year-old side hustle for Chesterman and McCorkle. They also run from the same premises Vittle, a catering and meal-delivery business, which they launched before the COVID-19 pandemic and which takes a healthier approach to feeding the masses. I washed down my burger with some Vittle cold-pressed juice. Very briefly, I thought of my body as a temple.

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To my surprise, Heron Smash Burgers serves a vegan burger, made with smashed Beyond Meat product. I admire the principles of those who would order one, but for me the promise of a beef-fat-induced berserker state at Heron Smash Burgers is too good to pass up.

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An apple brie smash burger at No Forks Given on Somerset Street East in Sandy Hill. Photo by Peter Hum / Postmedia

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Open: Sunday to Wednesday 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., Thursday to Saturday 11 a.m. to midnight

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Price: Smash burgers $12 to $19

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Access: No steps to front door

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When Ottawa chef Kristine Hartling struck out on her own two years ago, she opened No Forks Given, a Sandy Hill smash burger joint steps away from the University of Ottawa.

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Made with three-ounce, halal-certified patties, the smash burgers at No Forks Given were well-constructed and satisfying. When friends who had the cheeseburger ($12) and bacon burger ($15) dug in, they thought all was right with their world. I went out on a limb with an apple brie smash burger ($16), which is about as chef-y as a burger gets in Ottawa. It delivered on all fronts, balancing beef, cheese and fruit.

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Clockwise from left, a bacon cheeseburger, a cheeseburger and an apple brie smashburger at No Forks Given in Sandy Hill. Photo by Peter Hum / Postmedia

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No Forks Given also accommodates vegans with a plant-based smash burger made with Beyond Meat patties. On Meatless Mondays, this burger is half-price for dine-in and takeout orders.

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While the burgers here aren’t as obnoxious as the flattened monsters that Heron Smash Burgers puts out, No Forks Given burgers are certainly craveable — and they’re a lot less likely to mess up your shirt.

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A smash burger at Sear and Fry on Merivale Road Photo by Peter Hum / Postmedia

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A double smash burger at Skinny George’s Smash Burgers in Ottawa’s east end. Photo by Peter Hum /POSTMEDIA