It is said that one must think with the head and love with the heart, and never the other way around. As such, love does not really come with a rule book.

Some expressions of love only work after the relationship has matured, believes Jeff Guenther. (Pexel)

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However, there might be some things that may be said and done in early relationships, which, when analysed, can be less romantic than they appear. Taking to Instagram on July 2, Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counsellor based in Portland, shared four such things.

As Jeff explained, “That familiar feeling isn't always fate. Sometimes your nervous system recognises them because they're doing the same chaotic stuff your childhood did. You're not in love, you're home. And home was a mess. Slow down and ask if this feels familiar because it's right or just because it's familiar.”

As the therapist asked, “Sure about what, though? You've known them for six weeks. You're not sure about them. You're sure about the highlight reel they're showing you, or you're projecting onto them.”

“Give it a beat before you decide a literal stranger is your soulmate. Engage in curiosity about who they actually are when you fly off into fantasy land,” he suggested.

However, starting this within days of getting into a relationship might not be the same thing. “Kind of feels a bit like surveillance with like emojis or something. It's okay to say, ‘Let's chill on the texts until we've defined this relationship,’” shared the therapist.

“That's not attentiveness,” he noted. “That's your nervous system clocking that you might not be safe. Pay attention to that because it could be a warning.”

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice.

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