July 28, 2026 at 10:30am EDT

Every parent has rules for when they’d like their kids to check in with them. From sending a text to say they’ve arrived at a friend’s house safely to calling home to ask before they head somewhere after school, it’s normal for moms and dads to want to keep tabs on their tweens and teens. But when a child becomes a young adult, is it still OK for parents to insist on check-ins from their kids?

That’s the question one Reddit user is asking on the r/AITA (Am I the A–hole?) subreddit. User u/Unlikely-Algae-3142 headed to the subreddit to ask a question and give a bit of background. “I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 years old to attend a college that is 200 miles (roughly a four-hour drive) away from them,” the now-21 year old explains. “My parents’ only request was a ‘good morning’ and a ‘good night’ to our family group chat.”

The redditor goes on to say that in the beginning, they had no issue following their parents’ rule. Years later, however, they attend school full time, work a full-time job, and are in a serious relationship—things that make their schedule so busy that they often forget to check in.

“When I forget to send a ‘good morning’ text, my parents will text and call me asking if I’m OK,” they continue. “I have consistently explained that I am constantly busy, and when I am not, I am trying to relax from a long day, so it slips my mind. I have repeatedly requested to be left alone even if I forget one of the two texts, but they refuse to listen.”

“So, am I the a–hole for wanting to completely disregard my parents’ outrageous request for twice daily check-in texts?” they ask, adding a note to commenters who’ve suggested they cut their parents off completely. “They still pay my health and car insurance and phone bill, which would likely make me live paycheck to paycheck if I had to pay for them.”

The suggestions in the comments on the Reddit thread range from people suggesting the poster schedule automated texts to send at their parents’ requested times to keep the peace to others saying the check-ins aren’t that big of a deal, and the poster should just do them. 

But the majority of redditors think since the poster is 21, they’re an adult and shouldn’t have to do things they don’t want to do or feel uncomfortable doing. “State the boundary again and if they don’t respect it block them,” said one redditor. “That’s the only way to get through to a narcissist … Setting an auto text only enables their controlling behavior. And enables their anxiety, that they need to learn to manage on their own.”

“Not the a–hole. This is unreasonable for them to ask,” said another, while another chimed in, “I have two college students and all I ask is a text once a week to let me know they are still alive. Your parents are way overboard.”

It’s a dilemma that begs the question: When do parents lose some of their rights to insist on certain communications from their adult kids? We’re not sure what the answer is, but we hope this redditor finds a way to work things out in a manner that both parties are comfortable with!