If you watched the most recent Emmys, you may have been asking yourself: Is there anything sweeter than Stephen Colbert’s love for his wife, Evie McGee-Colbert?

The comedian won a whopping six Emmys for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. In his Emmy acceptance speech for Outstanding Variety Series, Colbert gave an emotional shout-out to his wife, reminiscing about how she was the only other person present when he filmed his show during COVID lockdown.

“Thank you for being my only crew and my only guest during COVID, my only audience and the only audience I really care about,” Colbert said. “Yours is the laugh that I want for the rest of my life.”

Colbert and his wife have been married for 33 years, and share three grown kids together. The fact that he still has this level of affection for her is a testament to a strong marriage—and one that has remained strong even after their kids have flown the nest.

I don’t know about you, but as a mom whose kids are on the cusp of being young adults, a marriage like this is exactly what I aim for: one full of love and adoration, and one where both parties still truly enjoy each other’s company.

Maintaining a marriage like this is no easy task, though, and a lot of couples feel blindsided after they become empty nesters. They’ve spent 18 or more years focused on their kids, and have to get reacquainted with each other. Many couples end up feeling like they have to rebuild their relationship from scratch.

So, how can you lay the groundwork for a healthy, loving empty-nest relationship with your spouse or partner before your kids have flown? We connected with licensed therapists to discuss the challenges eventual empty nesters face, and how to ensure that your relationship remains strong.

We get it: working your relationship with kids under foot is full of challenges. First, it’s just really hard to find the time. After spending hours working, helping kids with homework, being your kids’ tutor and therapist, schlepping them to their activities, and keeping your household clean and fed, the last thing many parents want to do is tend to a marriage.

This is how so many people end up feeling like their spouse is more like a co-worker than a partner or lover.

“Raising kids together feels like intimacy, but it can also function like a project,” says marriage and family therapist Giulia P. Davis, founder of Mycelia Therapy. “Some couples work well together for 18 years and then suddenly realize that in reality, they have not really spent quality time with each other as individuals during those 18 years.”

It’s quite easy for a marriage or relationship to get lost in the shuffle when you are busy raising a family. Often, you don’t even realize it’s happened until your kids head off to college, or to their other grown-up pursuits.

All of this is why it’s important for couples to take a few intentional steps to work on their relationship now, before their kids reach adulthood.

“Tending to each other during the busy years helps keep that foundation sturdy enough to carry all the noise, stress, love, and change of family life and gives you something solid to come back to when the house finally gets quiet,” says Kelly Whaling, a psychologist at Prosper Health

Doing so also sets a great example for your kids about what healthy relationships look like. “Being in a connected, supportive, and loving partnership not only serves parents well as they turn their focus inward to their relationship after their children are grown, but also models for their children what it looks like to foster a healthy relationship,” says Sarah Kipnes, a licensed clinical social worker at Sarah Kipnes Therapy.

“This modeling develops a foundation of understanding that is internalized throughout their childhood and will, in turn, serve their children well in adulthood as they develop their own healthy relationships.”

Okay, so how exactly can you prioritize your relationship in the midst of some of the busiest seasons of your life? The idea is to add in some small but consistent practices. Here are some tips from experts.

Kipnes recommends having a few daily or weekly rituals that prioritize connections. These can be brief, but you want to do them consistently. “This may look like a protected 15 to 30 minutes before bedtime to talk about the day, a standing weekly date of a meal or walk in the neighborhood, or a daily ‘tell me one good thing that happened today’ text,” Kipnes suggests.

Most of us are good at planning activities around our kids, but having a few that are only for you as a couple can go a long way. “It can be very small: coffee together, a walk, a regular date, or 10 minutes at night without phones,” says Whaling. Shared activities and rituals — along with feeling cared for and understood by a partner — are associated with stronger relationship quality, she says.

If you feel like literally every conversation you have with your partner resolves around your kids, you aren’t alone. That’s why it’s important to intentionally make time to talk about other stuff, too.

“Make sure to always talk about something other than logistics related to calendar coordination, kids’ needs, or household obligations,” Kipnes suggests. “Think about a conversation you would’ve had before the children came into your lives and make space to connect on that topic — whether it is a recent accomplishment you are excited about or a new challenge you are taking on at work.”

The truth is, making your marriage a priority while raising kids is just really hard. What if you haven’t been able to do that work, and you find that the relationship is struggling once your kids fly the coop? Is it too late to fix things?

Thankfully, there’s still hope, assures Kipnes. “It is never too late to fix things if both parents are committed to the success of the relationship,” she says. It comes down to the amount of time, energy and effort each parent is willing to put in to rebuild the relationship. Sometimes, too, it might require outside support from a therapist or trusted mentor to help get things back on track.

“Being honest about the state of the relationship, rather than avoiding it, will open the lines of communication,” says Kipnes. Working on the relationship after your kids are grown is similar to what to do while they are still at home. “Rediscover what made the relationship great in the first place by exploring shared interests and having new experiences together,” Kipnes suggests.

Whatever you do, if you both want to resurrect the relationship, put in the work and don’t give up hope.

“Relationships are not fixed,” says Whaling, “and meaningful change and connection can happen even after many years together, sometimes creating something every bit as good as what came before, and maybe even richer, deeper, and more beautiful because of everything you have lived through together.”