How often do you get asked to recite that WH Auden poem from Four Weddings and a Funeral, and can you do it from memory right now? mattyjj and simoit
Not for a long time. I could probably do the first couple of lines: Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone / Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone / Turn out the lights? And with muffled drums / Something, something … let the mourners come. There you go. Terrible!

Hannah in Four Weddings and a Funeral, 1994. Photograph: Landmark Media/Alamy

In Steve Coogan’s Paul Calf’s Video Diary, your character praises Orson Welles’ The Trial for its “tremendous energy”, while Paul says he would “rather watch Dave Lee Travis playing Macbeth”. What’s your actual opinion of The Trial [by Franz Kafka]? AdrianH1
God, it’s a long time since I’ve read that. I read a lot of those books in my younger days, but probably, like a lot of people, even those who are graduates of English literature, I’d be hard pushed these days to tell you what it was about, other than the persecution of some minor character.

As a popular jobbing actor, you have a massive list of credits. Has anyone ever come up to you to express their appreciation for a certain role and you had no idea what they were on about? Kevcoe
No. It’s always heartwarming when somebody comes up and offers their congratulations on something a little bit lower down the pecking order. Fortunately, people rarely ever come up to tell me that they thought I was shit in something. I quite often get Paul Calf’s Video Diary, and that Macbeth line. To be frank, I can’t quite remember the context.

Should Eminem be thanking you for Stan, rather than Dido, given that he first heard Thank You on the Sliding Doors soundtrack? vammyp
It’s strange how Sliding Doors and Four Weddings have travelled the world. It’s certainly cool to think that somebody as far out of left field as Eminem has actually even seen something you’ve done. Although, the story I heard was he was so sickened by the sweetness that he decided to counterpoint it with an obsessed fan trying to murder his girlfriend.

What’s your Sliding Doors moment? Murdomania
It’s interesting that “sliding doors” as an expression has become such common parlance, hasn’t it? I certainly don’t run for trains any more.

‘I don’t run for trains any more’ … with Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors. Photograph: Alex Bailey/Paramount/Miramax/Intermedia/Kobal/REX/Shutterstock

I was so traumatised by your characters in Truth or Dare and Carnivàle that whenever I see you in anything else, I think: “Oh no, it’s that horrible man.” Do you enjoy playing characters like that? FioreSebek
There you go: a prime example of something coming from left field. I do think that old cliche is true about bad guys always being more fun. I also get to play a lot of scientists or doctors, because for some reason, my Scottish accent makes me sound educated.

Which was most fun: filming Charlie Brooker’s police procedural parody A Touch of Cloth, or appearing in an episode of Black Mirror? MrMustard
A Touch of Cloth was great fun. We certainly had to do a lot of takes for all the laughing. Black Mirror felt more like a 1980s dark BBC late-night psychopath drama. Working with Charlie was quite high-concept in Black Mirror, but high camp in Cloth.

Apparently, you nicked some props from The Mummy to decorate your then-new home. What have you pinched since? Ludders
It’s like the old joke: you shag one sheep … You nick one prop. It was this fibreglass, spray-painted gold, Egyptian dog head with arms all going in different directions. I had a tiny garden at the time, and thought it would be something to look at other than a wall. But Brendan [Fraser] took the piss out of me, and constantly said I nick stuff. I can imagine Ridley Scott’s allowed to steal Aliens and put them in his vineyard. Richard E Grant’s a bit of a klepto too – he’s got shitloads in his garden. And Alan Cumming is a bit sticky-fingered.

If you took part in Celebrity Race Across the World, would you still narrate it in the third person? AngryTomato
Well, the bottom line is I wouldn’t be doing Race Across the World. I get lost going to the bathroom. I’ve missed planes, turned up on the wrong day, got off the train at the wrong stop … I’m no good at stuff. So I’d be terrible.

Have you ever had more fun on a set than on Spartacus – thundering great big lines of fruity dialogue about “Thracian whores” while lounging about in various states of distress with Lucy Lawless? mikebhoy
It was pretty spectacular. As we mentioned earlier, it’s always fun playing the villain. You only got the scripts as you were shooting, so you never knew what was coming next. Some of the stuff, you could not believe. I think in episode two, I come into our chamber with Lucy Lawless. We’re about to have a bit of how’s-your-father, but it’s been a stressful day, so she gets one of the servants to get me going by fellating me, so I had to deliver all this dialogue, while pretending to be fellated. If I had to live in Roman times, I know where I’d like to be. I’d definitely want to be upstairs.

‘Pretty spectacular’ … with Lucy Lawless in Spartacus. Photograph: Alamy

Did the Co-op employ you to do their voiceovers because you have the perfect Scottish accent to rhyme “good” with “food”? OnTheEdgeOfEurope
No, I think that was one of those happy coincidences. I don’t think they realised that it could possibly rhyme. It’s like when Eminem rhymes all these things with “orange”. I’m the Scottish Eminem!

In Agents of SHIELD, you created Life Model Decoys of people. If you could make one of anyone in real life, who would you choose? NotCEEFAUXhonest
My dad. He died 11 years ago. My mum, too. It’s funny, you still miss them. I wish I could phone them up and tell them what was happening, what was going on. As a parent, my kids are never off their phones, but you never hear from them unless they want money. I think back to when I left home at 16 and, if I wanted to phone my parents, I’d have to grab a handful of coins and head across the street to the phone box, which I probably did once a month. Recognising how things are now as a parent, I sort of wish I’d got to know my parents better. If you asked me who I could have dinner with, alive or dead, I’d speak to my mum and dad. I’d ask them all this shit I wish I could have asked them before.

You’ve had a really diverse career, despite some people’s attempts to pigeonhole you as a Scottish mummy’s boy. What’s left on the bucket list? AmongstTheWaves
Well, when I turned 60, I joked with my kids that I was retiring. What that meant was I felt comfortable with what I’d achieved. Maybe there were sort of gaps, maybe it wasn’t quite as great a career as I would have liked, but I was going to step back from trying to have a career. I think I spent too long seeing jobs as a step to the next job, and didn’t really appreciate the moment. So turning 60 I thought: “Bollocks to this, I’m just going to do stuff that I like, that’s filming somewhere nice, or is especially well paid. If it’s got two out of three of those things, I’ll do it.”

‘I’ve never been busier’ … in Bad Day at the Office.

The reality is that I’ve probably never been busier. Stuff like Bad Day at the Office comes out of left field. After decades of complaining about playing cops and being a Scottish mummy’s boy it was nice to do something that was so ridiculous, strange and experimental that, at 64, you could never have imagined it.

Do you and James Nesbitt ever go out for a pint together just to watch the confusion on people’s faces? RobinGoodfellow
We used to play five-a-side back in the 90s. The last time I bumped into him was when his daughter and my son graduated from Manchester uni, last summer. It’s good if people think I’m Jimmy Nesbitt, because I can then swear at them and be rude and he gets the blame.

When did you last use the expression “by Jupiter’s cock”? wellywearer2
This morning, funnily enough.