1. The Outsider
2. The Class Clown
3. The Dummy
4. The Approval-Seeker
5. The Self-Medicator
6. Coping with Undiagnosed ADHD: Next Steps

On my 65th birthday, I reflected on my past, from my childhood until the year I was finally diagnosed with ADHD at age 37. Those early years were painful in so many ways. I developed identities that were the products of my undiagnosed ADHD – and none were particularly healthy.

I don’t recall having any friends as a child. Looking back, I realize that my inattentive ADHD made it difficult to follow conversations, pick up social cues, and establish and maintain relationships. My impulsivity hampered my ability to “gel” with other kids. The loneliness was painful. “The Outsider” remains part of my self-image.

I gained acceptance by being the funny guy and making my peers laugh, even (and especially) at my own expense. It was a form of masking; I could get attention while deflecting judgment. The great pain is that I still default to this persona.

[Read: “Self-Deprecation Is My Knee-Jerk ADHD Response — and It Needs to Stop”]

That’s what my father called me throughout my teens. He was an alcoholic with undiagnosed ADHD, and I was constantly screwing up in his eyes – breaking things, forgetting to do simple chores, and, worst of all, crashing almost every family car. My father’s constant criticism robbed me of my self-esteem. For decades, I avoided doing tasks for which I needed help because I feared judgment and the ensuing conflict.

In high school I finally found true friends with whom I’m still very close. We were all working-class guys with dysfunctional families (some of my friends’ dads were doing jail time). For my dopamine-seeking ADHD brain, we were a match made in hooligan heaven. But seeking approval and validation from this cohort involved alcohol, drugs, and more.

I was told in my senior year that I may not graduate if I didn’t buckle down. I did and barely made it to graduation.

In college, with zero study habits and no ability to comprehend my study materials, I sought ways to “fire up “ my brain. My eventual drug addiction resulted in a 10-year off-and-on journey to obtain my four-year college degree.

My current identity? I’m a sober ADHD coach, working every day to become my own best client!

• Read: Why ADHD Masking Is a Form of Self-Sabotage
• Read: 7 Masks We Use to Hide Our Faults
• Read: Can Masking Be a Form of Authenticity?

Alan P. Brown is the creator of the ADD Crusher™ virtual coach video/audio program for teens and adults with ADHD.

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